When Friendship Feels Hard

This topic stings a little. God has pulled me out of some deep places with this one, and if I’m honest… sometimes I still get stuck there.

Let me just say—this isn’t a pity post. I’m not trying to make you feel sorry for me or beg for friendships. This is me being raw and honest about one of my biggest struggles:

Friendship.

We’ve all had them. We’ve all lost some. Some were lifelong, some just casual. Some were just surface-level. Some people have big, tight-knit friend groups. Others, like me, only have one or two close friends — and that’s okay!

I’ve struggled to make friends my entire life. If you know me, you already know—I’m shy. I’m awkward. Sometimes I stutter just trying to have a conversation. I don’t know why I’m like that, but I’ve been this way since I was a toddler, and honestly, I hate it.

I was that kid who hid behind her mom when someone said hi, or had her mom speak at doctor appointments. Can you relate?

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve come a long way. I talk to people without shaking now. Sometimes I even start the conversation (what?!). I’m proud of that growth. But the “making friends” part? I still struggle.

And that’s where insecurity creeps in.

“Am I not good enough?”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Why is this so hard?”

I wish I could tell you this post will be wrapped up with some big spiritual breakthrough I’ve had, but the truth is—I still wrestle with those questions. What I’m writing to you right now, I’m also preaching to myself. I know God created me with purpose. But that doesn’t stop me from wondering why He made me this way.

I’ve tried. I’ve reached out. I’ve commented, messaged, invited. But it often feels like everyone already has their circle, and there’s no room for anyone new.

About two years ago, I went through a season where I felt very alone. Left out. Rejected. There were people who smiled to my face and acted close, but I was never actually included. Maybe they didn’t even realize how left out I felt. But I did.

And after I had my first baby—and went through one of the hardest seasons of my life—those “friends” just disappeared. No check-ins. No texts. Nothing.

I’d send the occasional “miss you” or “let’s get together”… but most of the time? Silence.

Looking back, I wonder if we were ever really friends, or if they were just being polite in person.

Full transparency —

I still get in my head about why I’ve felt so rejected in recent years. I still see social media posts to this day that fill my heart with bitterness & jealousy. But I’ve learned to let it go in those moments and trust in God’s plan for my life. Maybe God is protecting me from something I can’t fully see right now. I truly don’t know.

But here’s what I do know:

Real friends won’t make you feel like that.

They’ll check in.

They’ll pray for you.

They’ll show up—in the good and the hard.

You might only have one or two of them. And that’s enough.

And if right now you feel like you don’t even have one true friend—please don’t give up hope. I know it hurts. But God cares about this area of your life. He sees you. He hears your prayers. He knows your heart and He’s faithful to answer.

I am beyond grateful for the few friends He has placed in my life. No, we don’t FaceTime every day. We don’t pop in unannounced like the friendships you see on Instagram. I used to envy those. But the truth is, once you’re an adult with kids, a spouse, a home, and responsibilities—friendship looks different.

We have to schedule hangouts like “boring adults,” but we still laugh, connect, and cheer each other on. Our kids are growing up together.

We’re growing up together.

If you’re in a lonely season, maybe God’s trying to get your attention. Maybe He wants you to lean fully on Him before He brings you the friendships your heart is longing for.

God doesn’t want just a part of your heart—He wants all of it.

So seek Him.

Find a church home if you don’t have one.

Let go of what’s holding you back from real intimacy with the Lord. He is ready with open arms, waiting to meet you right where you are.

Will it magically fix everything? No. But it will transform you. God has a way of filling those empty spaces in your heart—ones you didn’t even realize needed healing.

And that aching loneliness? God just might have something better than you ever imagined waiting on the other side—you just have to surrender it all to Him.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”

-Proverbs 17:17