Drowning

Lately, I feel like I’ve been writing about the same thing over and over again. But maybe that’s not an accident. Maybe God is trying to show me something in this season—something about my identity, my purpose, and why I feel like I just can’t seem to get it all together.

The last few weeks have been hard. And I know I’m blessed. I know my life could be so much worse than what I’m facing right now. But that doesn’t mean this season isn’t hard. I have to remind myself that even though someone else may have it worse, it doesn’t make my struggles any less real. God still hears my prayers. My struggles matter too. You’re struggles matter.

Tonight, as I prayed, I told God I felt like I was drowning. And that word has been stuck in my head ever since.

I feel like I’m sinking… like I can’t catch a breath. I picture God’s hand reaching down toward me, and my hand just barely touching His. But for some reason, I can’t quite reach Him.

And I can’t help but wonder—why? Why isn’t He pulling me up? What have I done wrong?

Deep down, though, I already know the answer. Raw honesty— I haven’t been truly seeking Him. I’ve been doing all the “right” things on the surface, but I haven’t been giving Him my whole heart.

Every night I tell myself I’ll read my Bible before bed, but instead I scroll TikTok, Facebook, and every other social media app. I fill my heart and mind with comparison, noise, and distractions—when what I really need is His Word.

I started writing this with absolutely no plan, no message, no idea how I would wrap it up. I’m a perfectionist. I like everything to be tied up with a pretty bow. But tonight— I’m choosing to be as honest and real as I can be. And as I type, I feel like God is revealing Himself to me in this moment. Right now.

Here’s what I believe He’s telling me:

• Let go of trying to be everything for everyone.

• Let go of social media and truly focus on Me.

• Find peace in living for Me, not chasing the next trend or hustle.

• Trust that I will provide for you and your family.

• I will guide your steps—if you let Me.

If you know me, you know I like to plan every detail. I like to be in control. I sing “I trust in God” every Sunday—but do I actually live that out? Do I really believe it deep down?

So here’s me, holding myself accountable. I’m choosing to let go. And let God.

I want to dive into His Word—not out of obligation, but out of love. I want a genuine relationship with Him, not one tainted by the superficial things I’ve been filling my life with. I want to surrender it all. It won’t be easy. But I know it will be worth it.

If you’ve been feeling the same way, I hope this encourages you. You are not alone. And if you’re struggling—message me. Let’s walk this road together.

My Prayer:

Lord, I’m sorry that I’ve put You last and everything else before You.

I’m sorry for seeking validation from the world instead of trusting in You.

I know Your plan is better than mine. I know You can provide for me and my family in ways I can’t even imagine.

Lord, I’m letting go. Do a work in me. Show me the path You want me to take. Thank You for everything You’ve already given me. Thank You for blessing my family.

And Lord, please bless the person reading this who needs to feel Your presence right now. Reveal Yourself to them. And to me.

I love You, Lord.

Amen.

Thank you for reading.

God bless,

—Lo