Purpose

Purpose is something I’ve struggled with my whole life.

What do I mean by that?

I’ve always been interested in a lot of things — music, photography, business, baking, medicine, writing. But nothing ever felt like the thing.

Well… except music. That’s always been my biggest passion and deepest dream. But as I got older, it started to feel childish — like a pipe dream.

I’d ask myself, Who am I to think I could sing for a living?

So I started searching for a more “realistic” career path. But honestly? Nothing ever truly clicked.

I was that kid who never knew how to answer, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

In high school, I was thriving.

I graduated #4 in my class. Took all the AP classes.

I was in band, National Honor Society, FCA.

Junior prom sweetheart. Homecoming court.

I felt seen. Successful. Confident.

Honestly? I wrapped a lot of my identity in that version of myself.

So when graduation came and all of that was suddenly behind me… I didn’t really know who I was anymore.

Naturally, I went to college — because that’s what you’re supposed to do, right?

That’s what made sense.

That’s what made my family proud.

And I did make them proud.

But looking back now, I sometimes wish I hadn’t gone.

I majored in business management.

I had started a cake business and figured, Well, I’m already doing this — why not learn more and make it official?

But college never really felt like me.

I lived on campus my first year and hated it. I missed home.

I missed my boyfriend (now husband) and my family.

So the next few years, I worked hard and finished my degree through a mix of commuting and online classes — all while growing my cake business and getting married.

I graduated with a good GPA and I was proud.

But then I was left wondering… Now what?

My cake business had taken off — and I’m thankful for it — but even though it allowed me to be creative, I was never truly passionate about it.

I overworked myself. I dealt with anxiety.

I had panic attacks.

It started to affect my mental health.

Then I had kids.

Everything changed.

I continued baking full time, but my heart wasn’t in it anymore. It was extremely hard to juggle taking care of my daughter and running my business.

After I had my second baby, I stepped away to become a stay-at-home mom.

Now, I bake occasionally for a little extra income — but most days, I’m home with my babies.

And while there are definitely overwhelming moments, I love being with them.

I love not having to put them aside for work.

But still… life is expensive.

And I want to contribute.

I want to help provide — while still being home with my kids.

So here I am again.

Asking the same question I’ve asked since I was a teenager:

What am I supposed to be doing?

What is my purpose?

I look at job listings and see all the experience I don’t have.

And I think… What was the point of college again?

And then come the spiral of thoughts:

Why don’t I feel passionate about anything anymore?

Why do I feel like I’m constantly falling short?

What am I even good at?

It’s an anxious cycle.

One I know I’m not alone in.

I pray.

I ask God for direction.

And while I believe He’ll answer — the waiting is hard.

So hard.

I doubt myself.

Sometimes, if I’m being completely honest… I doubt Him, too.

But He always finds a way to remind me of His goodness.

That He still sees me. Still loves me. Still has a plan for me.

And even when I forget — He doesn’t.

He never gets tired of reminding His children of who they are.

So if you’re feeling lost or without purpose, I just want you to know — I’m right there with you, friend.

I thought I’d have it all figured out by 26.

But here I am — still learning, still growing, still questioning, still trusting.

There will always be hills and valleys.

But your worth is not in your job, your income, or what you achieve.

Your worth is found in the One who made you.

And He doesn’t make mistakes.

So keep praying.

Keep seeking.

Keep showing up.

The waiting might feel long.

But He will answer.

And He will provide.

Every time.